On Escaping the Long Green Dark Tunnel

(1)

She says I should be happy, for the misery has come to an end

she says to me that life just began

all he gave me was a mouthful of splinters

and wet eyeballs filled with fear

years and years and years

I wasted wallowing in the watery winter

I always chased the future and worried what was to come

I invested so much in him and in return got nothing' but a lump sum

he never cared or noticed that i was trapped in darkness

instead of lifting me out of it he turned his other cheek and went onward

he cheated, he lied, he stole my mind

wish i could kill him, expose him, hit rewind

i'm forever damaged and always ready for more

walls start to build thick around my once innocent inner core

my friend, she says she hates him

when she runs into him at bars she won't even straight face him

he doesn't understand what it was he did

he tells me we're meant to be because we fell in love when we were kids

i look the other way , i must stay strong

i accompany myself with my best friend, my bong

as i exhale my soul dances up high

but when i inhale it back it sinks and it dies

she says i will make it through this, it just takes time

she buys me shot of jose cuervo and lime

let this numb your pain for a while, flower child

let it all go , throw your sadness and burn it with the rest of the pile

she tells me to run far away and accept no apologies

i decided to get lost in hippie music anthologies

and though my body remained in the same old room

my mind sparked and sprinted from all the doom

(2)

I will never return to the unilluminated world I once resided in.

For this light, so gigantic, has shaken my soul

and it feels as though, it's frolicking inside of me,

dancing with the wind my body feels from the outside.

I am one with the universe now.

Excitement turns into peace as

I calmly stroke the barks of the trees

their branches begin to sway

to the movement of the open air,

which opens my heart.

Dragon flies, the size of crows smile

at me as they pass…

at last..

the starless tunnel, that was consuming me

shot me back up into the colorful world!

I am here. Now.

And that's all that will ever matter to me.

she was a thief

she was a thief of my time, a thief of my stuff

a thief of my mind. it was tough

to see the truth back then

in the dark days of the bent nights

and trailing lights, driving at 3 in the morn

bailing from death and laughing till dawn

days where my eyes rolled in back of my head

and the only sound i heard was my sun-shined soul bein' fed.

she was there through it all, at the top

on the bottom, inside the walls, in the halls

next to me, behind me.

then she was gone

as quick as a wizard waves his wand

and as quick as it takes a trail to follow behind a swan

gone as quick as it takes the moon to shine

and the stars to align

and the universe didn't

combine all of the right pieces together

to create things like waterfalls and trees

and people and peace for no reason.

but she's becoming more and more of a tease and

a sleaze and the sea of our love has risen

and over flowed, we float outta the brim

we try to survive but we don't know how to swim

our limbs are broken and hearts are numb

i think i'm dumb.

what used to be her and me

turned into a scene of scattered dusty debris

i try to listen to my mentors that sing "let it be"

yet i can't let this venom outta my head ya see

for there was a time where i had energy to believe

and wanted to actually live and even felt free

but it was all taken away, taken by a thief.

-Marilyn Metzger

October 2011

LI

must've been the whiskey

who am i?

i question all the time

even though i'm existing in my own mind

i feel like my body is a host

and i'm watching the world

on 8 milimeter film

and it's sad

i just don't understand what it is to feel

and i guess it doesn't matter

cause who am i ? and what is this world?

hollow hollow hollow

hollow, is what i feel

for my depth has been sold

for 100 bucks and a bowl

"wont you come see me, queen jane?"

dylan is my true love

for he speaks to me like no one else

no one will ever compare

play your harmonica notes, slowly, on my pussy.

i don't care

who really matters? who am i?

who is watching. who is really judging

who matttterrrresssss

cause i feel like no one does

and

even if they did, there's always the great escape

everyone wants fame

but no one is real anymore

and it gets me asking what i'm living for

and sometimes the answer is "for love"

and other times the answer is "for revenge"

the new world is just trying to make you all stupid

i won't let it

my soul will hide in the 60s

for i don't belong dumb and empty-minded

look, just understand this

there's probably only one chance

to make things good.

so if you get the chance, say hello.

- Marilyn Metzger

September 2011

long island

ragged wood

" Come down from the mountain, you have been gone too long

the spring is upon us, follow my ornate song

settle down with me by the fire of my yearning

you should come back home, back on your own now

the world is alive now, in and outside our home

you run through the forest settled before the sun

darling, I can barely remember you beside me

you should come back home, back on your own now "

raised by monsters

i'm smart but everyone wants me to play dumb

i'm silent yet my soul thumps like a drum

& the drugs,

are the only things that share my views

on the knowledge, on the power, on truths.

it's a lonely life i lead,

& only one who sides with me.

i was not raised by wolves, in fact

i was raised my monsters of beauty,

who seek only vanity and harbor truly lost souls,

like a ballet theatre that shut down, long ago

now consumed only by rats &

the ghosts of the dancers.

These monsters pull me to the right

and then to the left

torturing and consuming the only good

left within me.

i cry out to the gods;

they must be sleeping, cuddling comfortably with

pillows of clouds and blankets made from the atmosphere.

i always ask them for the same thing:

"set me free from this misery!

let me dance along

the strong

ocean tides of desire."

the fire that burns

inside of me only leads to a black hole.

The moonlight is

my only guide

on these lonely nights,

yet to get there you gotta pay a toll.

Why must i seek tops of skyscrapers

when every tangible love in my heart,

is cemented on the cold ground?

Will i ever be able to break free

of common insecurities

and mind boggling questions

that only ancient men

have the answers to?

i weep alone in my dim lit room

hoping for some cosmic signs to come

and sweep away all my agony and doom.

hope is the last sand bag i have to drop

before my hot air balloon floats into the endless sky.

and the color of my endless eyes

sometimes are the only physical truths i can see.

no one ever taught me to be me.

Marilyn Metzger, 2011

Long Island

What love Feels like :

What love feels like:

ancient sized big-beautiful-Butterflies,

shredding my tiny chest, opening my most precious

insides to the warm-wet-world ---

they're flying out of me, wings fluttering

as fast as it takes a star to sprinkle the earth with light

they're dust sprinkling my own body with passion --

Suddenly, a black-eyed-vulture swoops down

from a tear-filled cloud and vacuums the butterflies

into his rotted-wrinkled mouth , disliking their taste ,

spits them out onto the cracked pavement and the

pretty insects are soon squashed by a child's bicycle

leaving only a smear of their guts on the syringed littered sidewalk.

Marilyn Metzger

2011 , Levittown

2 AM

I stare up

into the

pitch black,

empty ceiling

and wonder

if infinity feels

the same.

Marilyn Metzger, 2011

Long Island