raised by monsters

i'm smart but everyone wants me to play dumb

i'm silent yet my soul thumps like a drum

& the drugs,

are the only things that share my views

on the knowledge, on the power, on truths.

it's a lonely life i lead,

& only one who sides with me.

i was not raised by wolves, in fact

i was raised my monsters of beauty,

who seek only vanity and harbor truly lost souls,

like a ballet theatre that shut down, long ago

now consumed only by rats &

the ghosts of the dancers.

These monsters pull me to the right

and then to the left

torturing and consuming the only good

left within me.

i cry out to the gods;

they must be sleeping, cuddling comfortably with

pillows of clouds and blankets made from the atmosphere.

i always ask them for the same thing:

"set me free from this misery!

let me dance along

the strong

ocean tides of desire."

the fire that burns

inside of me only leads to a black hole.

The moonlight is

my only guide

on these lonely nights,

yet to get there you gotta pay a toll.

Why must i seek tops of skyscrapers

when every tangible love in my heart,

is cemented on the cold ground?

Will i ever be able to break free

of common insecurities

and mind boggling questions

that only ancient men

have the answers to?

i weep alone in my dim lit room

hoping for some cosmic signs to come

and sweep away all my agony and doom.

hope is the last sand bag i have to drop

before my hot air balloon floats into the endless sky.

and the color of my endless eyes

sometimes are the only physical truths i can see.

no one ever taught me to be me.

Marilyn Metzger, 2011

Long Island