i'm smart but everyone wants me to play dumb
i'm silent yet my soul thumps like a drum
& the drugs,
are the only things that share my views
on the knowledge, on the power, on truths.
it's a lonely life i lead,
& only one who sides with me.
i was not raised by wolves, in fact
i was raised my monsters of beauty,
who seek only vanity and harbor truly lost souls,
like a ballet theatre that shut down, long ago
now consumed only by rats &
the ghosts of the dancers.
These monsters pull me to the right
and then to the left
torturing and consuming the only good
left within me.
i cry out to the gods;
they must be sleeping, cuddling comfortably with
pillows of clouds and blankets made from the atmosphere.
i always ask them for the same thing:
"set me free from this misery!
let me dance along
ocean tides of desire."
the fire that burns
inside of me only leads to a black hole.
The moonlight is
my only guide
on these lonely nights,
yet to get there you gotta pay a toll.
Why must i seek tops of skyscrapers
when every tangible love in my heart,
is cemented on the cold ground?
Will i ever be able to break free
of common insecurities
and mind boggling questions
that only ancient men
have the answers to?
i weep alone in my dim lit room
hoping for some cosmic signs to come
and sweep away all my agony and doom.
hope is the last sand bag i have to drop
before my hot air balloon floats into the endless sky.
and the color of my endless eyes
sometimes are the only physical truths i can see.
no one ever taught me to be me.
Marilyn Metzger, 2011