Sunday, December 25, 2011
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
She says I should be happy, for the misery has come to an end
she says to me that life just began
all he gave me was a mouthful of splinters
and wet eyeballs filled with fear
years and years and years
I wasted wallowing in the watery winter
I always chased the future and worried what was to come
I invested so much in him and in return got nothing' but a lump sum
he never cared or noticed that i was trapped in darkness
instead of lifting me out of it he turned his other cheek and went onward
he cheated, he lied, he stole my mind
wish i could kill him, expose him, hit rewind
i'm forever damaged and always ready for more
walls start to build thick around my once innocent inner core
my friend, she says she hates him
when she runs into him at bars she won't even straight face him
he doesn't understand what it was he did
he tells me we're meant to be because we fell in love when we were kids
i look the other way , i must stay strong
i accompany myself with my best friend, my bong
as i exhale my soul dances up high
but when i inhale it back it sinks and it dies
she says i will make it through this, it just takes time
she buys me shot of jose cuervo and lime
let this numb your pain for a while, flower child
let it all go , throw your sadness and burn it with the rest of the pile
she tells me to run far away and accept no apologies
i decided to get lost in hippie music anthologies
and though my body remained in the same old room
my mind sparked and sprinted from all the doom
I will never return to the unilluminated world I once resided in.
For this light, so gigantic, has shaken my soul
and it feels as though, it's frolicking inside of me,
dancing with the wind my body feels from the outside.
I am one with the universe now.
Excitement turns into peace as
I calmly stroke the barks of the trees
their branches begin to sway
to the movement of the open air,
which opens my heart.
Dragon flies, the size of crows smile
at me as they pass…
the starless tunnel, that was consuming me
shot me back up into the colorful world!
I am here. Now.
And that's all that will ever matter to me.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
hand and hand, we walk down 14th street
and I look at you and wonder why are you so
badly withdrawn. look at you here --
no emotion to anything, not even the
softest touch of the summer breeze
or seeing a bum old bird lady cry
could make you feel any sympathy -
there you go, manufacturing those
dark iron walls that protect you from
sorrow. but what you will find is that to
not feel is sorrow as well, for you dwell
in the same dark cave most of the time
nothing to search for, nothing you will find --
you wish you had some type of praise to give
or that there really was some higher power
who controls all of us, who makes sure we all
go to heaven. but you know you don't.
damaged - because you chose too soon
and blinded by what the human experience
is supposed to be. trees behind you, blow
wind into your ears, and sometimes i can see
that your brain feels connected to mother
nature but never other humans.
you tried once or twice, but it all crashed
and you expect everyone to be normal
but in realty the concept can't exist
because everyone isn't normal so
to not be normal is normal and
aimlessly you walk, and wonder if
everyone is just hiding behind their
skin. you stop to look into their eyes
but the depth is thin, you can't tell --
you don't have the sixth sense
to read minds or understand
the meaning of life through
someone else's perspective.
you get shy when they look back…
at times you feel you'r stuck in a whirlwind
of what everyone who allegedly cares
for you wants you to become…
and at this point you'd rather be a bum
because the anxiety you get from
feeling a need to impress them
makes you feel even more empty
and more lost with who you are.
you can't even tell yourself what you want
because the answer would simply be
nothing, or something materialistic
that would band aid your sadness for a day
and in a lot of ways a quick fix used to be
all you needed --
not anymore, woe is you
for you want insight and love and peace
and all those other nearly unattainable
things that only the people in the movies or
the buddhas and shamans find. you're surrounded
by a shallow ocean that drains your
creativity and your very own peace of mind.
hopeless, but pretty, so you'll dream
just one more time and if it doesn't
work you'll pray to a different god and
hope for better results. … ..
maybe aphrodite could return your heart
and perhaps satan could
sell you back your soul --
maybe this coldness
will slowly melt into what would
become something warm again--
and a lover or friend will
come back and you can live in
a place where turquoise petals
fall from trees which you could catch and use
to wipe away your clear tears.
perhaps there's a
letter you could send, or a bargain
you can make to gain back your strength.
or at least get back your heart,
even if it's black and blue and in pieces.
i really hope one day you'll find
whatever it is you want, and just know
that you'll always be my true love
you'll be able to feel the sun shine one day,
if you could let it.
but i can't stay to help, i've gone west
i've tried my best, but it just isn't me you need.
long island, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
You meander around, though your existence is disintegrating rapidly
the battle to fight time is always a losing one.
Tattoos fade and turn into zombie colors and your body forms into a womans' figure
all that's hidden under the flesh, will always break through the surface
cells, swimming through rivers of whisky, will drown and decrease in numbers
yet, your heart is big, and wide, like bug eyes and fireworks on the fourth of july
but it's also drained, and nearly empty ;
those who surround you just want to slurp up what's left inside.
I wish a giant hand would spread open the sky, and guide you to what is still good.
I can see that your dreams were once as big as jupiter.
bunnies hide in the grass on your lawn and tell you secret messages
that can lead you back to good memories of the old sphere you once frolicked on top of.
- Marilyn Metzger
Long Island, 2011
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
far away, outside my door
i could hear the shot gun blast
wondering if he was safe anymore
hopin' he got outta there fast.
my door flung open, i heard him gasp
he said, "think i finally killed her"
he took off his gloves and boots and mask
it gave me chills like the bone of winter
i patted his back and offered him tea
for now he was distant and forlorn
said "just sit close to me, sweet pea"
in his arms, i felt so alive, felt like being born.
we loaded up the old crimson truck
with bags and guts, hair and brains
we roared loudly away and the chickens clucked
a bumpy ride, we kissed as we switched lanes
i looked in the back seat, but just couldn't tell
the color of the seat from the color of her blood
"together and free at last!" out of the window, i yelled
and soon she'll be buried in the mud.
we turned off the lights and hopped on down
my tiny hand carrying the smaller bags,
he was towing the rest of her on the ground
he stopped, lit a cigarette and took a drag
we were finally bringing out the old
ecstatic and in love, but shaking
wondering if this glittery feeling of gold
is really real or is he just faking?
so we found a spot and dug and dug
then began to feel a sweat
"we really did it" he said, i shrugged
she wasn't gone yet
there were pieces of her long blond hair
getting stuck to my shirt..
i kept seeing pieces of her skin so fair
poking out of the wet dirt…
she was standing next to him in spirit
i could see it in his tired and fearful eyes
his regret of her murder was so clear it
was like his pain was written in the skies
the final scoops of the dull damned dust
were sprinkled over the layers of hate
"we shouldn't have done this, we are just in lust -
i shouldn't have took her life, but now it's too late"
he weeped, and moaned and started to walk away
i followed him down, through the eery trails
"don't you see, this is supposed to be a glorious day!
for now our lives can be nothing short of fairy tale!"
he turned around and said "just go home
i want nothing to do with your conniving tricks…
you evil creature with a head full of poisoned foam
it's not her, but you who should be dead under the sticks!"
before he could say one more hurtful untrue word
i smacked his mouth with my muddy shovel
he fell down hard and groaned, his speech slurred
i grabbed the knife from his bloody belt buckle
i stood over him, "take back what you said!
i'm not the evil one, it's you
you'll always be the reason why she's dead!
i laugh and i know it's true"
i put him to his death that night
for he no longer deserved to exist
chopped and killed with all my mite
left his body there, alone, in the early morning mist.
i was driving away fast and started to grin
when i realized that i was the one defeated,
for now, their souls fly together in the endless wind,
and i'm still the mistress but the one who was cheated.
Marilyn Metzger, Oct 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
I don't know how I've let you in
it's like my heart was stolen by the howlin' wind
this was a feeling I never felt before
you must've snuck in through the back door
when no one was lookin'
we got together on the 31st of may
which brings me back to happier days
where our same colored eyes
gazed into the others like a lullaby
now, years later, our eyes gaunt and shooken'.
rollin' in the sun shined summer grass
life was new and naive and fast
we were so high, yet on the muddy ground
we shared true love, something so secret and profound
it was kinda like dreamin'
making out in the last car on the train
giggling, cuddling, smoking sweet mary-jane
it didn't matter that we were hungry, lost and bums
i just wanted you to serenade me with your thudding drum
not known' what you were scheming
I slipped deeply into you
but you became shallow and blue
and I knew then that your love was over
I wished for luck and endlessly searched for clovers
thinking' somewhere over the rainbow
for years I roamed and just chased the air
and a muse finally found me and said "this isn't fair
your first true love is bad for your senses and your mind
for if if you stay with him, yourself, you will never find"
it was right then and there where my pain glowed
and it all came back to that last day of May,
"wish could let you stay"
I thought, but a thought isn't enough sometimes
neither is talking, fighting or even my rhymes
I'd be howling to myself forever
I don't know how I've let you in
it wasn't me, perhaps it was the result of too much gin!
but now it's time for you to go
it's time for me to change direction on this road
just me blowin' in the breeze like a feather
Long Island, 2011