On Escaping the Long Green Dark Tunnel

(1)

She says I should be happy, for the misery has come to an end

she says to me that life just began

all he gave me was a mouthful of splinters

and wet eyeballs filled with fear

years and years and years

I wasted wallowing in the watery winter

I always chased the future and worried what was to come

I invested so much in him and in return got nothing' but a lump sum

he never cared or noticed that i was trapped in darkness

instead of lifting me out of it he turned his other cheek and went onward

he cheated, he lied, he stole my mind

wish i could kill him, expose him, hit rewind

i'm forever damaged and always ready for more

walls start to build thick around my once innocent inner core

my friend, she says she hates him

when she runs into him at bars she won't even straight face him

he doesn't understand what it was he did

he tells me we're meant to be because we fell in love when we were kids

i look the other way , i must stay strong

i accompany myself with my best friend, my bong

as i exhale my soul dances up high

but when i inhale it back it sinks and it dies

she says i will make it through this, it just takes time

she buys me shot of jose cuervo and lime

let this numb your pain for a while, flower child

let it all go , throw your sadness and burn it with the rest of the pile

she tells me to run far away and accept no apologies

i decided to get lost in hippie music anthologies

and though my body remained in the same old room

my mind sparked and sprinted from all the doom

(2)

I will never return to the unilluminated world I once resided in.

For this light, so gigantic, has shaken my soul

and it feels as though, it's frolicking inside of me,

dancing with the wind my body feels from the outside.

I am one with the universe now.

Excitement turns into peace as

I calmly stroke the barks of the trees

their branches begin to sway

to the movement of the open air,

which opens my heart.

Dragon flies, the size of crows smile

at me as they pass…

at last..

the starless tunnel, that was consuming me

shot me back up into the colorful world!

I am here. Now.

And that's all that will ever matter to me.

she was a thief

she was a thief of my time, a thief of my stuff

a thief of my mind. it was tough

to see the truth back then

in the dark days of the bent nights

and trailing lights, driving at 3 in the morn

bailing from death and laughing till dawn

days where my eyes rolled in back of my head

and the only sound i heard was my sun-shined soul bein' fed.

she was there through it all, at the top

on the bottom, inside the walls, in the halls

next to me, behind me.

then she was gone

as quick as a wizard waves his wand

and as quick as it takes a trail to follow behind a swan

gone as quick as it takes the moon to shine

and the stars to align

and the universe didn't

combine all of the right pieces together

to create things like waterfalls and trees

and people and peace for no reason.

but she's becoming more and more of a tease and

a sleaze and the sea of our love has risen

and over flowed, we float outta the brim

we try to survive but we don't know how to swim

our limbs are broken and hearts are numb

i think i'm dumb.

what used to be her and me

turned into a scene of scattered dusty debris

i try to listen to my mentors that sing "let it be"

yet i can't let this venom outta my head ya see

for there was a time where i had energy to believe

and wanted to actually live and even felt free

but it was all taken away, taken by a thief.

-Marilyn Metzger

October 2011

LI

What love Feels like :

What love feels like:

ancient sized big-beautiful-Butterflies,

shredding my tiny chest, opening my most precious

insides to the warm-wet-world ---

they're flying out of me, wings fluttering

as fast as it takes a star to sprinkle the earth with light

they're dust sprinkling my own body with passion --

Suddenly, a black-eyed-vulture swoops down

from a tear-filled cloud and vacuums the butterflies

into his rotted-wrinkled mouth , disliking their taste ,

spits them out onto the cracked pavement and the

pretty insects are soon squashed by a child's bicycle

leaving only a smear of their guts on the syringed littered sidewalk.

Marilyn Metzger

2011 , Levittown