Wish You Could Stay

I don't know how I've let you in

it's like my heart was stolen by the howlin' wind

this was a feeling I never felt before

you must've snuck in through the back door

when no one was lookin'

we got together on the 31st of may

which brings me back to happier days

where our same colored eyes

gazed into the others like a lullaby

now, years later, our eyes gaunt and shooken'.

rollin' in the sun shined summer grass

life was new and naive and fast

we were so high, yet on the muddy ground

we shared true love, something so secret and profound

it was kinda like dreamin'

making out in the last car on the train

giggling, cuddling, smoking sweet mary-jane

it didn't matter that we were hungry, lost and bums

i just wanted you to serenade me with your thudding drum

not known' what you were scheming

I slipped deeply into you

but you became shallow and blue

and I knew then that your love was over

I wished for luck and endlessly searched for clovers

thinking' somewhere over the rainbow

for years I roamed and just chased the air

and a muse finally found me and said "this isn't fair

your first true love is bad for your senses and your mind

for if if you stay with him, yourself, you will never find"

it was right then and there where my pain glowed

and it all came back to that last day of May,

"wish could let you stay"

I thought, but a thought isn't enough sometimes

neither is talking, fighting or even my rhymes

I'd be howling to myself forever

I don't know how I've let you in

it wasn't me, perhaps it was the result of too much gin!

but now it's time for you to go

it's time for me to change direction on this road

just me blowin' in the breeze like a feather

Marilyn Metzger

Long Island, 2011

she was a thief

she was a thief of my time, a thief of my stuff

a thief of my mind. it was tough

to see the truth back then

in the dark days of the bent nights

and trailing lights, driving at 3 in the morn

bailing from death and laughing till dawn

days where my eyes rolled in back of my head

and the only sound i heard was my sun-shined soul bein' fed.

she was there through it all, at the top

on the bottom, inside the walls, in the halls

next to me, behind me.

then she was gone

as quick as a wizard waves his wand

and as quick as it takes a trail to follow behind a swan

gone as quick as it takes the moon to shine

and the stars to align

and the universe didn't

combine all of the right pieces together

to create things like waterfalls and trees

and people and peace for no reason.

but she's becoming more and more of a tease and

a sleaze and the sea of our love has risen

and over flowed, we float outta the brim

we try to survive but we don't know how to swim

our limbs are broken and hearts are numb

i think i'm dumb.

what used to be her and me

turned into a scene of scattered dusty debris

i try to listen to my mentors that sing "let it be"

yet i can't let this venom outta my head ya see

for there was a time where i had energy to believe

and wanted to actually live and even felt free

but it was all taken away, taken by a thief.

-Marilyn Metzger

October 2011

LI

must've been the whiskey

who am i?

i question all the time

even though i'm existing in my own mind

i feel like my body is a host

and i'm watching the world

on 8 milimeter film

and it's sad

i just don't understand what it is to feel

and i guess it doesn't matter

cause who am i ? and what is this world?

hollow hollow hollow

hollow, is what i feel

for my depth has been sold

for 100 bucks and a bowl

"wont you come see me, queen jane?"

dylan is my true love

for he speaks to me like no one else

no one will ever compare

play your harmonica notes, slowly, on my pussy.

i don't care

who really matters? who am i?

who is watching. who is really judging

who matttterrrresssss

cause i feel like no one does

and

even if they did, there's always the great escape

everyone wants fame

but no one is real anymore

and it gets me asking what i'm living for

and sometimes the answer is "for love"

and other times the answer is "for revenge"

the new world is just trying to make you all stupid

i won't let it

my soul will hide in the 60s

for i don't belong dumb and empty-minded

look, just understand this

there's probably only one chance

to make things good.

so if you get the chance, say hello.

- Marilyn Metzger

September 2011

long island

ragged wood

" Come down from the mountain, you have been gone too long

the spring is upon us, follow my ornate song

settle down with me by the fire of my yearning

you should come back home, back on your own now

the world is alive now, in and outside our home

you run through the forest settled before the sun

darling, I can barely remember you beside me

you should come back home, back on your own now "

the world we live in

"nothings gonna change my world"

* all photos taken by me .

143

feeling zen on a summer morning

my body's spread across the grass

my heart is slowly beating

as the birds echo tunes to each other

there's nothing i want to do, lost my desires

i lay here sideways letting the sun shower my body

who needs "things" when i got you

to be dreamin' about all day.. ..

-Marilyn Metzger

June 2011

Long Island

ramona

" The flowers of the city

though breathlike, get deathlike at times.

And there's no use in tryin'

t' deal with the dyin',

though I cannot explain that in lines.

Your cracked country lips,

I still wish to kiss,

as to be under the strength of your skin.

Your magnetic movements

still capture the minutes I'm in. "

bobby should have won the noble prize for literature, not some no-name loser. viva la dylan !

read a muthafuckin book.

everyone, please keep your minds healthy and read many books.

i mean what's the harm?

yes, this is my very own personal library.

it continues all the way to the ceiling and touches

the depths of the floor. a bunch of whimsical reads.

if anyone would like to borrow a book it only costs

3 cigarettes and 2 pieces of candy (preferably nerd rope)

cause let's face it, people who don't read

are nothing but a bunch of oafs.

and if my words can't convince you non-readers then maybe lil' jon can sway your decision.

the goddess of gloom

" I started out on burgundy

But soon hit the harder stuff

Everybody said they’d stand behind me

When the game got rough

But the joke was on me

There was nobody even there to call my bluff

I’m going back to New York City

I do believe I’ve had enough "

desperately seeking tomorrow

who knows where I'll be in 5 years?

I've shed tears but who cares,

I'm ready to be anywhere else but here.

I can close my eyes and just imagine

a simplistic utopian state,

the makes

the superficial things fade.

Ozzy once said, "I'm just a dreamer"

and that's pretty much what I am

I was once much cleaner,

reading books about trains saying "I think I can".

I've felt so low

as though

I was a rat living in a sewer,

trying to maneuver

a way out…

Once I got to solid ground

it felt very peculiar

as if what I found

didn't feel homebound.

In 5 years

I want to fly in the air!

and ride on backs of polar bears,

in Alaska..

and I'd ask ya

to come

and we'll down flasks of

patron in our masks of

who we wish to be,

whether it's Marilyn Monroe,

or just Marilyn - me.

In 5 years

instead of washing dishes,

I'll be washing my bongs and bowls

no one will be calling me "the mrs",

I won't be living in a never-ending hole

of pta meetings

daycare

and dumb christmas greetings

a locked up wife with no sense of meaning?!

no, in 5 years

I'll be gleaming

hookah bars

parties, movie stars

with a body still steaming.

suit, tie and suspenders?

not on MY husbands agenda

not some bald, 40 year old

working as a vender!

I understand

that what makes us who we are

is our past,

but i'm seeing nothing but stars

and high clouds in my future!

and mi uno amore

will be my couture

Prada bags made from velour -

high diamond chandeliers

hang high before my spiral stairs

and on the wall, a portrait of Maximillien Robespierre.

I won't have a care

and in the air

will be my jet

which takes me on endless trips

to Amsterdam, Hawaii, Africa, Tibet..

my life will never "get a grip"

'cause I'm spiraling uPward

out of control

don't do what I'm told.

in this spiral of never ending bliss

I will kiss

the sky and shake the moons hand,

"I will conquer this land".

world leaders' numbers in my blackberry,

and there ain't no settling down at the cemetery

for me, just my besties and I

slurping down wine

smoking like fiends

and reading our OWN gossip in magazines

chillin' at the finest restaurant in Italy

ordering the finest cuisine

In five years

everything may be different

however my young soul will stay the same

in this twisted, heart swallowing, dream shattering game

of what we call "life"

I will remain insane

and never have shame

for who I am

and I eventually become

whether top-notch lawyer

or wasted, money-hungry bum.

this is me.

to remain oneself is key.

however, to actually open

the lock is the hard part

kinda like shooting a dart

dead on

your first try

with three beers already in you

plus four glasses of wine…

and I whine!

why is it SO hard?

when does it get easier?

and why do I want time to travel so far away?

when all I need to do

is live for today.

Marilyn Metzger, 2009

raised by monsters

i'm smart but everyone wants me to play dumb

i'm silent yet my soul thumps like a drum

& the drugs,

are the only things that share my views

on the knowledge, on the power, on truths.

it's a lonely life i lead,

& only one who sides with me.

i was not raised by wolves, in fact

i was raised my monsters of beauty,

who seek only vanity and harbor truly lost souls,

like a ballet theatre that shut down, long ago

now consumed only by rats &

the ghosts of the dancers.

These monsters pull me to the right

and then to the left

torturing and consuming the only good

left within me.

i cry out to the gods;

they must be sleeping, cuddling comfortably with

pillows of clouds and blankets made from the atmosphere.

i always ask them for the same thing:

"set me free from this misery!

let me dance along

the strong

ocean tides of desire."

the fire that burns

inside of me only leads to a black hole.

The moonlight is

my only guide

on these lonely nights,

yet to get there you gotta pay a toll.

Why must i seek tops of skyscrapers

when every tangible love in my heart,

is cemented on the cold ground?

Will i ever be able to break free

of common insecurities

and mind boggling questions

that only ancient men

have the answers to?

i weep alone in my dim lit room

hoping for some cosmic signs to come

and sweep away all my agony and doom.

hope is the last sand bag i have to drop

before my hot air balloon floats into the endless sky.

and the color of my endless eyes

sometimes are the only physical truths i can see.

no one ever taught me to be me.

Marilyn Metzger, 2011

Long Island