Tuesday, October 4, 2011

desperately seeking tomorrow

who knows where I'll be in 5 years?
I've shed tears but who cares,
I'm ready to be anywhere else but here.
I can close my eyes and just imagine
a simplistic utopian state,
the makes
the superficial things fade.

Ozzy once said, "I'm just a dreamer"
and that's pretty much what I am
I was once much cleaner,
reading books about trains saying "I think I can".

I've felt so low
as though
I was a rat living in a sewer,
trying to maneuver
a way out…
Once I got to solid ground
it felt very peculiar
as if what I found
didn't feel homebound.

In 5 years
I want to fly in the air!
and ride on backs of polar bears,
in Alaska..
and I'd ask ya
to come
and we'll down flasks of
patron in our masks of
who we wish to be,
whether it's Marilyn Monroe,
or just Marilyn - me.

In 5 years
instead of washing dishes,
I'll be washing my bongs and bowls
no one will be calling me "the mrs",
I won't be living in a never-ending hole
of pta meetings
and dumb christmas greetings
a locked up wife with no sense of meaning?!

no, in 5 years
I'll be gleaming
hookah bars
parties, movie stars
with a body still steaming.
suit, tie and suspenders?
not on MY husbands agenda
not some bald, 40 year old
working as a vender!

I understand
that what makes us who we are
is our past,
but i'm seeing nothing but stars
and high clouds in my future!

and mi uno amore
will be my couture
Prada bags made from velour -
high diamond chandeliers
hang high before my spiral stairs
and on the wall, a portrait of Maximillien Robespierre.

I won't have a care
and in the air
will be my jet
which takes me on endless trips
to Amsterdam, Hawaii, Africa, Tibet..

my life will never "get a grip"
'cause I'm spiraling uPward
out of control
don't do what I'm told.
in this spiral of never ending bliss
I will kiss
the sky and shake the moons hand,
"I will conquer this land".

world leaders' numbers in my blackberry,
and there ain't no settling down at the cemetery
for me, just my besties and I
slurping down wine
smoking like fiends
and reading our OWN gossip in magazines
chillin' at the finest restaurant in Italy
ordering the finest cuisine

In five years
everything may be different
however my young soul will stay the same
in this twisted, heart swallowing, dream shattering game
of what we call "life"
I will remain insane
and never have shame
for who I am
and I eventually become
whether top-notch lawyer
or wasted, money-hungry bum.

this is me.

to remain oneself is key.
however, to actually open
the lock is the hard part
kinda like shooting a dart
dead on
your first try
with three beers already in you
plus four glasses of wine…
and I whine!
why is it SO hard?
when does it get easier?
and why do I want time to travel so far away?
when all I need to do
is live for today.

Marilyn Metzger, 2009

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